How to move on
by thenextshondarhimes
Summary: Amelia was in a car accident and even though there is no physical damage she's going to need the help of her friends to get through this one.
1. Chapter 1

I get off of work and walk out to my car, a few minutes later that usual just because I almost had an approach for one of my MRI scans figured out. I get into the car (as a doctor I know it was weird that I had an older car but I was still in student loan debt and that car had been in my family for 21 years. For some reason all day I kept repeating a phrase over and over in my head I had read during drivers ed, "In an accident slam into the breaks hard." I couldn't figure out how I even got that into my head to begin with, I didn't even talk about driving to anyone that day. I back out of my parking space and headed onto the main drag and stopped at the red light, I need to make a right, but I just didn't feel like making a right on red. My light turned green and I turn onto the next street to head towards my ex sister in law (although she's still like my sister)'s apartment. I've been living with her, it's just more economical and more fun, I got tired of living on my own. Also I think she feels the need to babysit me to make sure I don't slip again. As I was driving up a road where I had right of way out of the corner of my eye I see this car heading out and it looked like they were going too fast. The next thing I know I'm flying one lane over and popped up on the middle divider of the street. I keep digging into the break but it felt like it was doing nothing. The whole time I had no control over my car (which was only a few seconds but felt like hours) I can't even really describe what I was thinking. I put my car in park (I guess, I don't remember doing that but I had too because I got the keys out). I got out and notice my lights were still on so I turn them off and just stood there. This man came running across three lanes of traffic. He was maybe 20 years older than me, but cute in a way. I was so mad but I have this hope he wasn't the one who hit me because he seems too cute to be mad at.

"Did you hit me," I ask with attitude.

"No, I didn't really see what happened I was driving in front of you and I was puling over anyways so I stopped and the police are on their way I called them."

"Oh, the person who hit me didn't leave right?"

"No, their bumper is broken off they can't drive on it," He said. He had a nice voice.

"Was he drunk?"

"No, it was an elder woman,"

"Oh. So what happens now?"  
"The police will be here soon, they can probably call you a tow truck, and hopefully she has insurance,"

"There's no way this could be my fault right?"

"No, it's the back of your car, she drove into you,"

"Oh ok." We stand in silence. I try to call Addison but her yoga class wont be over for another four minutes so she isn't picking up.

"Do you have a ride home? Where do you live?"

"Twenty-seventh and ocean, I tried to call someone but they aren't picking up."

"I'm on twenty-fourth and park (a street over from ocean), I was on my way to pay this bill over there," He pointed at a building. "I Know they close in a few minutes so I'm going to go pay it and before I leave I'll check to see if your still here.

"Thanks sir," He ran across the street. That was the last I ever saw of him, never got his last name so I can't even thank him. Within minutes one of the motor cops shows up.

"Can I see your license and insurance and registration ma'am,"

"Yes," I go into my car digging to get stuff out. I hand my information to him and he starts writing something down and I nearly start crying. "Am… am I in trouble?"

"No, I'm getting your information for her and then I'm going to get her information for you."

"Oh ok." That was kind of awkward, the fact that I'm an adult crying thinking I'm in trouble with the police. I keep dialing Addison and finally she picks up.

"Addie, I'm fine, I didn't get hurt, it wasn't my fault, I'm not drunk or high, some lady drove into my car." Saying it just makes it seem more real.

"Amy, what do you mean, where are you" She sounds worried.

"My car crashed, I wont be able to drive it," I tell her where I am and then look back at my car, I'm nearly centimeters from a tree, if it were any closer this could have been way worse. Addison gets there and wraps her arms around me. As the tow truck pulls up we empty everything out of my car, patient files, water bottles, all of it goes into the bag I had and Addison helps me cross the street. We get into her car.

"Are you sure you're physically O.k, no concussion or anything, whiplash, headaches?"

"Yes nothing hit me." I'm really monitoned and flat right now trying not to be too bothered.

We get home and I walk in. Addie carries my stuff in behind me. "I was going to make soup for dinner, I'll start heating some up," Addie says to me.

"That's o.k, I'll just go to bed."

"Amelia, it's six-thirty, you need to eat something." She's giving me the mommy look meaning she wont take no for an answer. I let her heat up the soup and put it in a bowl, she probably would have spoon fed it to me if I asked. I call my insurance company to leave a message and then go into the shower. I turn the water on hot, something I use to do to feel when I was doing drugs, but I can't stand it for too long now that all my feeling is back. I wash my hair and my body and come out of the shower. I can hear my T.V on. I walk out of the bathroom and Addison is in my bed, in her pajamas, under the blankets eating popcorn. She has on say yes to the dress.

"What are you doing?" I ask while pulling out some soft pajamas and a tank top.

"Getting ready for bed?"

"In my bed?"

"Yes."

"You're staying here tonight I assume. In here I mean."

"You think I'm just going to let you sleep alone?"  
"I'm fine really," I sit down and eat some popcorn.

"No, you're not." I'm too tired to argue so I get on my side of the bed and lay down. As I lay down I feel like I'm in the car being hit again, which doesn't seem weird just because any day when I go on a rollercoaster or bodysurf in the ocean or go on a boat I always get that feeling at night when I lay down. I wake up with my head on Addison's shoulder I'm not quite sure how it got there, I feel warm and just want to sip some cool water. I get up and glance at the clock, it's five in the morning. I lay back down in my bed, cuddling up next to Addison because I'm really cold. It's not weird that we share a bed. I think it started a long time ago when her and Derek were dating, we would have sleepovers when Derek was away and I was telling her some sad story one night and she laid with me that night. She's so comforting. When I wake up again she's sitting up in bed looking at me. "Do you remember the middle of the night?" she asks me.

"No, I fell asleep and when I woke up I was on your shoulder."

"Around midnight you were clutching your pillow yelling no, you wouldn't say anything else so I just held you until you fell asleep.

"Oh," I say. We both already had the day off so we aren't in any hurry. "Have you told anyone else about this yet?"

"No," I just wanted to take care of you first.

"Well let's not, my siblings and mother don't need to be called about this, I'm fine. Maybe if it comes up in conversation next time someone calls, but I don't need you making any extra phone calls to anyone."

"I respect your privacy Amelia, do you want some breakfast?"

"I don't want to leave this bed."

"I'll bring something to you."


	2. Chapter 2

Addison came back fifteen minutes later with pancakes and coffee. We watch mindless TV but I'm really not paying attention. Addison turns to me, "What should we do today?"

"I don't feel like doing anything really, I'll probably just sit here."

"You said you were O.k."

"I am."

"How about shopping, lunch, a movie, a manicure, a pedicure," I shake my head. "Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, Mexico, Hawaii, Canada, Puerto Rico, anywhere my treat?" I know she's kidding.

"I'm fine right here. Maybe I'll go walk down to the beach or sit on the patio and just relax."

'We can do that."

"I don't need you to stay with me, you can go about your day, I promise I'll be fine."

"I just don't want you to be lonely."

"Addison." I look at her seriously. "I'm fine."  
"If you say so."

"Well I do, you can go shower or whatever, I'll take care of the dishes."

"Let me know if you need anything." She puts her hand on my shoulder. "Anything." After she leaves I get out of bed and put on some black leggings and a grey sweatshirt, it's the last week in November so it's kind of cold. I grab the dishes and head to the kitchen. After they are all put in the dishwasher I grab a bottle of water and go out to the beach. We keep a lounge chair out there so I just lay on it staring into the ocean. The beach is empty and it's pretty cloudy out. I start to play it all out in my head again, just driving home, the feeling of my car being hit, the feeling of getting out and not knowing what to do. I find myself running back into the house breathing heavily and feeling sick. I drop to the ground inches before the patio on the sand and just breathe. My mouth fills up with saliva and I start coughing but I don't throw up. As I'm about to stand up I see Addison walking out.

"Everything O.k?"

"Oh, yeah. Just thought I saw something in the sand." She knows I'm lying. She's just looking at me.

"Maybe you should lay down for a little while, you look funny."

"Yeah. I was just about to do that."

"Well, I'm going out for a while, do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good."

"Ok. Well call me if you think of anything, or you want me to come back… hey don't you have a thing tonight?"

"Yeah, the neuro-convention in downtown, but I know you're eating with your brother tonight while he's in town, so I don't have to go."

"You can take my car, Archer and I can walk or get delivery." I don't feel ready to drive. I know it wasn't my fault. What if it happens again? "If you really want to go you'll take my car." She leaves. I go sit on the couch and grab the remote but I don't turn the TV on. Why did that woman drive into my car, she could have hit anyone else, a stable person, a preppy high school cheerleader who would move on and buy a new car, an old person who shouldn't be driving anyways, a criminal, a pedophile, a robber, a terrorist, so many other people, but they ran into the ex-drug addict, who is unstable already as it is. They ran into the doctor, who saves lives, who was doing something nice ten minutes before being hit. Not even the teacher giving kids hell, they ran into me. The world sucks. I lay on the couch steaming with anger when my phone starts ringing. I assume it's insurance so I answer it.

"Is this Amelia Shepherd?"  
"Yes."  
"We've approved your grant to do the clinical trial surgery?"  
"REALLY!" I get excited.

"Yes, We'll be sending you your documents with in the next month and you'll be in the clear after the first of the year."

"Thank you, good bye." I couldn't believe it. Everything I had worked for the past two years (there had been a competition for a risky surgery trial, and if it's successful I'll get tons of publicity). But then I remembered I was in a car accident. I can't believe, the moment I feel like nearly my whole life has waited for, stolen, taken away, gone. I want to call someone to share my excitement, I scroll down my list to Derek but I can't call him, he'll ask how I'm doing and he always knows when something is wrong. Mom won't understand, I hate my sisters. I decide to text Charlotte. She replies a few minutes later congratulating me. I don't intend to tell her, or anyone else in the practice for that matter, but at some point they'll notice, or Addison will tell them. The towing company calls and says they are dropping my car off soon, I go to the driveway to wait for it. As they are dropping it off Addison pulls up. "I got the surgery!" I try to smile.

"I knew you could do it!" We both turn and look at my car and I frown. My breathing gets heavy and short again and I feel angry. The person who hit me stole that moment from me. I feel broken. I go inside and just lay in my bed. I never really noticed how comfortable my sheets were until now. They are the puffy white kind like from a hotel and they always have that cool feeling to them, even when it's hot out. I lie facing the window and watch a storm come in. Around five thirty Addison comes in. "I made you dinner, you have to get going soon." I get up and realize I'm still in my leggings, I change into something more professional and go downstairs to eat. I really don't even think about what the food tastes like because I'm so focused on driving, I barely hear some story Addison is telling me about what happened in the grocery store today. Addison hands me her keys after I finish eating. "You can do this, text me when you get there." I nod and walk out. I get in the car and adjust the seat, Addison is taller than me. I fix all the mirrors and back out. I head onto the street and I'm focused. Still, I flinch at every car I see that is waiting for me to pass. I get to the convention center and park, lock her car, send a text Addison, and head in. I recognize a few people from previous conventions and I sit down at a table. Someone notices my nametag.

"So you're the one doing the big surgery down the road?"

"Yes," I smile and nod.

"I'm glad it's going to someone deserving, congratulations."

"Thank you." They don't know. They never will. It wasn't my fault. But why did it happen to me. I keep repeating that in my head waiting for the keynote speaker to get up. During their presentation my mind is engaged, I forget for two hours that anything ever happened to me. I leave happy with a full book of notes and some tips that will help me with my big surgery. As I leave the lobby reality sets in again. I unlock Addison's car and get in. As I drive it's like I'm a horse with blinders, unable to do anything but fear I'll be hit again. I get home and Addison is already in my bed. "You know we have work tomorrow?"  
"We could take it off, if you need too."

"Really? Well you don't have to, I'll just stay here alone."

"No, you need to go to work, if you don't get up you never will. Now hurry up and lay down, we need to be out of here at seven tomorrow."

"You can go to your own bed."

"Not until you can sleep without waking up." She makes me feel like such a child but I can't help but love it.


End file.
